Here it is

I've considered doing this for awhile now, just because Tumblr wasn't enough. Sometimes it's amazing how you can feel like a writing machine. Maybe in part, this choice began with Jamie and To Write Love because of everything they do, of every message he sends. Man oh man, that guy is good. 

Up until about three months ago, I had lost faith in God. I had drained the belief that he was present in my life and holding onto me so tightly, guiding me in directions that I could have never imagined. I got angry at my faith for not giving me answers, for keeping one of my friends from me. Even though he's been gone for 7 years now. I was so bitter and lost- lost without hope and without optimism. Just floating, hoping I'd make it somewhere safe. The light at the end of the tunnel and happiness in life just didn't exist for me. There was no spark whatsoever.

Then a friend asked me to go to Epic Church with her. She asked me to attend out of the kindness of her heart, and we later experienced her Baptism. It sounds insane and maybe a little ridiculous, but that truly is the day I think Jesus opened the doors for me again. Jamie says that you'll find faith when you stop looking because blessings are all around. God is with us everyday, we just have to stop rushing Him and commanding that He becomes known. Musician Aaron Gillespie says that you'll feel his touch in your heart when it's meant to really change you. When you accept that something like His grace is meant for you. I walked in that movie theater not expecting much of a change, but I left awestruck. 

A community was built to worship. Each person was there because they wanted to get closer to Jesus, to experience his impact beyond some Sunday obligation. Sad as it seems, that the exposure I had as a kid. It wasn't until I reached my teenage years and participated in a local youth group that I really understood. There's so much more beauty, so much emphasis and so much piece in knowing that God will walk you through anything and everything. He will walk with you in any direction and that's a great comfort to me. 

So Epic, thank you. Jesus, thank you for welcoming me back into your home. It's the peace, the inspiration and solace that I've needed for awhile now. It just took me awhile to see it. Yet, now that I can understand each new gift and each new day, I feel more empowered than ever. This truly is a blessing to be given another chance as a person of faith, as a Christian and a believer. 

I'm hanging out with God this summer. Doing some worship. Doing some bible study. Doing a vacation bible school. I couldn't be more thrilled to have the chance to bring God in all of these aspects of life and make the message known. I want to give it back because people deserve know His love. I've spent too much time being this angst ridden, brooding teenager after some pretty tragic times in my life. Now, on the flipside, love is the movement. God is the movement.

This blog is just something for me to document where I come with Jesus by my side. It's going to help me come together and eventually, to let go completely. I'll get there. I know it. 

At Epic Kent says to live everyday with your heart challenged and encouraged. My journey with God, and through some processes of my own, is going to be just that: challenges and encouragement mixed together in this ridiculous melody. I'm ready for it all to swell. 

With hope.