I'm ready, God

I guess you could say I've never really been sure of my purpose. I mean, I knew it's hiding in there somewhere, inside my soul, but it just has never really hit me exactly what is meant. My workbook of Beth Moore came in the mail today from Amazon and I couldn't be more thrilled. I chose to wait for it to arrive before I would start the 10 week program Ashley was talking about. I've been ear to ear since it came; I can already tell it's going to be a great experience. God is giving me permission to wonder and explore His depths. I can feel Him truly welcoming me and it's beyond perfect.

On Wednesday I started working with some elementary school kids. My dad works for the school district of Pennsauken in New Jersey and I've decided to do my Global Reflections class with some of the kids he knows. He works in administration, but I get the pleasure of going to see these kids. The best part? They're a group of behavioral challenged and emotionally disturbed children. I mention that because I kid you not when I say that they are THE BEST kids I have ever seen. I spent 4 hours with them on Wednesday and 2 more today. Of course, they have issues and challenges (whether it be physical contact with other kids or emotional breakdowns) but I wouldn't change it for the world.

It's my second day and when I walked in today 3 of the kids ran up to me screaming, "Miss Oliver!" I was in Heaven. Apparently, they thought I wasn't visiting today. They had assumed was just there for the one day to chill and that was it. It literally brightened my day. I spend time with them helping with homework, asking them about their day (a lot of times they don't get this attention at home) and just teaching them to be responsible. Today, I helped a little girl Makylah because she's struggling in understanding that she's beautiful just the way she is. No matter what. By the end of the day? She had drawn me a picture that's currently hanging here in my room and given me a few countless hugs. We're best friends.

I just detailed a good portion of my day, but what's the point? This morning before I left for class (a public speaking course) and before heading over to school this afternoon I told God, "I'm ready. I'm ready for whatever it is you have today." my dad had told me some of this might be a challenge, so I just wanted God to be with me. I wanted Him to walk beside me and guide me through the day- give me the extra dose of strength that I needed. Not only did he stick with me, but He gave me more than I ever possibly imagine.

Sitting with those kids I felt His hand in my work. No, I wasn't teaching them worship, but I was teaching them love. It felt for a second like I was giving these kids the ounce of hope that they each deserve day in and day out. It's not easy for kids who are diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, BiPolar and the like. It's not easy for any kid, really, but I just felt so overwhelmed with joy. There was a purpose as to why I had been  "assigned" to this particular group of students and it wasn't just to satisfy this class requirement. It's not even about that anymore.

I have a home among those kids and each of them has a place in my heart. A place in God's wonderful quilt and I really hope that they can see how special they are. Each of them has a great gift that they've been given. God's given me the power to see each of them through and provide them with a sense of safety. I know school's the place you really have to be careful, but reflecting back on it now, I just feel like it was so intentional. I know it was intentional. I asked God to prepare me. I explained that I was ready for whatever message I could produce, whatever knowledge their was to gain, and as usual, He's delivered.

I can't wait to get back to those kids again on Monday. I know it's only the beginning, but that's the most beautiful part- this is just the beginning of everything. I can see myself being in this kind of environment as a career choice- giving kids the strength they need. Restoring them. Reaching out to them. It's wonderful.

Challenged? Absolutely. Challenged by their behavior. Challenged by the faith in myself and my purpose as a role model. Challenged to continually follow Jesus- to take these moments and feelings, realizing that their moments of His grace. Challenged to let go.

Encouraged? Without a doubt. Encouraged to start the next chapter of my life with Bible study. Encouraged to reach inside myself and reconstruct the faith with God. Encouraged to continue working with these kids and help them pull out the faith in themselves.

I'm in awe.

With Hope.