More than anything today I spent time doing some work for my online classes and trying to just keep track of everything for the laundry list coming ahead. I never really realized how much I had decided to take on, but I know and am confident in the ability to sift through everything and make sense of it.
I also spent some time today just talking to God. Literally, chatting it up, as I like to call it. I just felt like I needed to break things down and have a conversation with Him about some of these things. More importantly, to just kind of reflect on yesterday's initial bible study and some of the things I hope to get from that. It was a genuinely good and eye opening experience. I plan on doing week number 2 tomorrow if I can because I know this upcoming week will be crazy. I feel content with all of this and after today, some of the anxious thought I had are started to settle. It's a nice wave coming through right now. I even facebook messaged Candace today and I think we might just try and talk about the homework of Beth's study together. I'm excited to have that relationship with her.
I went out on a limb today merely because I believe that God was telling me to do so. My best friend since first grade is the person I acquired much of my faith in Jesus from. She taught me what it means to follow Christ and stood with me when religion seemed just a little too complicated for us kids. I will never forget those moments and those experiences. In our late years of middle school and high school she got involved with drugs and the wrong crowd. I watched her spiral in more ways than I think I can ever truly share with anyone. There's been a pitfall of emotions intact in our friendship and I truly know that it will never be back to where it once was. Nonetheless, my heart will forever and always be hers.
At 19 she's now 5 months pregnant. To say I'm worried about her health, as well as the baby's is simply an understatement. I saw her at her mother's house, right next door for the first time in a few months. The baby bump that everyone speaks about? Yup. I've seen it. I was almost brought to tears about it.
When she first found out she called me asking if I would be the godmother. You never really forget the bond you have with a person, no matter the things that have been channeled through it. After apprehension, anxiety and tons of conversation, I accepted. Sure, I accepted because she asked me, but I also accepted for the thought of that baby. I want that baby to be loved and nurtured. The baby deserves to know that while their mother has strayed, while she has made destructive choices, she is still a mother nonetheless. I want to try and be an influence, a comfort for her and the baby. When I accepted 5 moths ago, I didn't think it would feel like this, but seeing her today I just felt like God was asking me to take her in. To love her. Again and again.
He does it for each of us, so why can't I live like Him and accept her? Am I happy about the lies and the hurt, the pain and mistakes? Never. Does that deserve to outweigh every other memory? Never.
Tonight, I'm just trying to keep my faith high. I'm asking God to watch over and that baby, asking Him to love her like I know he always will. I can only ask that whoever reads this would say a quick prayer- chat it up with God and just ask him to keep her strong. To keep the baby strong and give her the ounces of faith that she so graciously gave before. It hasn't been easy, and that's no excuse. I can only hope that this experience will remind her of God's hand. Of the plan for her and the baby. (Who she's convinced is her son). I know she's thinking of adoption, so please just pray that she gains the knowledge to make a heartfelt decision. One where the life of that child comes before anything. Help her to restore her faith in herself and in God himself. She's got it in their somewhere and I know she knows his awesomeness.
I pray that she is willing to teach the baby about the goodness and love of God. Jesus is absolutely amazing. I know we could be great teaches together.
Challenged- check. Encouraged- check.
With hope.
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