I talked to my mom yesterday about my plan to be baptized. She wasn't surprised, she just didn't expect it like this I think. I think she misses having some of that connection with me and with God himself. Yet, she supports me fully. That's all I could ask for. She listened with an open mind and a ready hard, and I just was floored. All I could do yesterday was praise God for staying with me.
Everything was fine at the doctors, hallelujah. They actually said that if I keep up the mobility and training I have so intensely, it's possible I'll be able to transition to something outside of this blue hunk of metal. Crazy good. Just going to have to keep working as hard as I can at that and see what comes of it. It's always been a struggle and a challenge no doubt, but there's always been a purpose and a better meaning underneath everything that's come from one diagnosis.
I sent an email to the Director of Internships for To Write Love today. After the appointment yesterday I just felt compelled to tell someone what I was thinking of. The mail just told her of my condition and some of the concerns I have about applying for the internship itself. I told her I want to put my best foot forward because this chance means everything. This organization is absolutely everything to me and during the typing of the email I just looked up to God and said, "let's do this. I never know until I try." And in that moment, I kid you not things happened. My heart swelled with opportunity. It open all over again. The most beautiful thing I've experienced. God right there. Right here. Right now.
Less than an hour later I got an email back. It said, "Having cerebral palsy will never stop us from accepting those devoted. I don't even know you Kayleen, but I hear the passion. I hear the drive. Please do apply when I open the deadline in October. I look forward to seeing and reading your application. We'll talk again soon."
So, October. I wait. I hope. I pray.
Anyone who reads this and God alone is probably just wondering why I would think otherwise. Why would I stumble? What would cause me to halt? This condition has never stopped me in anything I've ever done, and I hoped it wouldn't this time, but I need to give everything I have to this organization. I can feel the fire in my heart and it's getting stronger everyday. I honestly, feel like God is calling me to lend out this wonderful hand to those who are struggling and I will never miss that. I will never diminish that chance. Hope & lots of prayer in these next few months. It comes down to this.
I start working with the local church and their Vacation Bible School next week. I'm so pumped to see kids on fire for Jesus. I'm so ready to stand up and worship in everything that God has provided for me since I've continued to invest, love and trust in him. There's nothing more I can say for that other than praising Jesus.
I remember the VBS program. I remember how great it felt to hear someone speak of the greatest God I've known. I remember leaving every night, overwhelmed with hope from the youth leaders. With hope from Jesus himself. There was plenty of faith. I'm burning with excitement to reach inside this group of youth and pull out their quest for Jesus. It's going to be an amazing experience.
I recently borrowed some music from a friend because I didn't really feel like I've had a worthwhile worship collection. I needed the freshness just for moments like now. For the glory of Him. I keep playing Chris Tomlin's "Our God" the live version. It's moving me to tears a little bit. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but I'm finally processing this new journey with Jesus. I'm just overwhelmed at how He's let me back in once more to learn the message, the goodness and his truths.
It hasn't been long since I started this blog, but I feel completely different from the first post. I feel transformed in God's love. Like there's nothing that can really break me apart as long as I continue to swim in the faith of Him. There's a feeling you get at your core where the world doesn't seem real, and that's been these past few weeks for me. And when I ask God what it is that's going on, he holds me close and just says to keep working. There is nothing He won't do for any of us and I don't think that's really hit me until now. Phew, I'm shaken. Shaken with joy. With hope and love. God, you're burning inside on high.
When I sit and think about everything, I think of the song I've got playing in the background right now.
"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"
Nothing. Remember that everyone.
Summer 2012 Interns. Let's do this, Lord.
Continue moving. <3
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