Short and Sweet

Packing for school- weird. It's definitely weirder this time around because I'm graduating this May. I can't believe this is the third year. I can't believe how different I am from when I first got to AU. Those feelings, those times spent in the ultimate sadness. The despair that I wish unto no one.
My dad recently asked me about my first semester. He asked to know the real story. So I laid it out. Laid out the pain, the desperation, the lack of hope and purpose. I told him that that time felt like it be one where I'd 1. end up in the hospital due to panic and never go back to school or 2. come home and never go back.

Here we are. 2 years down. Guess I made it huh?

I told him about the problems with self injury. He had always known since early in high school, but I don't think it ever clicked. I don't think he wanted to ever face it. And yeah, most of the scars are clean now, but it's still part of my story and I needed him to know that. Hard to digest? Sure. A reason for hope? Most definitely.

This summer and this past of my life have absolutely amazed me. I think I've uncovered a lot and made sense of who I am and what I want out of life. It's been a beautifully hectic journey and I'm ready for it to continue. I'm ready for God to just sweep me completely off my feet and move me to wherever it is that I'm meant to be. Glory to God, seriously.
Looking back on my initial post for this summer I've changed. I've grown in God, and while I'm still working on it, it's completely beautiful. Completely compelling. Was I absolutely nervous coming back to God and asking for Him to enter my life? Of course. I never really felt good enough. I felt like I had wronged him too many time for him to welcome me back. But, our God's amazing, so He opened arms and welcomed me in Faith. And now, when I sit and type this, when I pray and when I'm working through my bible, it just feels so good. So refreshing and clean to have that relationship with God. He brings so much peace, it's outstanding.
So maybe I can't share everything with my family, but at least they know pieces of it now, right? 2 years down and almost 1.5 years self injury clean. Feels good. Feels really good. Bits and pieces are out and that's perfect for me. Somewhere along the line it'll all come together for something greater. God works in great ways.

Am I nervous for the semester? Heck yes. Challenged beyond belief.
Am I excited for the semester? For twloha? for EVERYTHING? Heck yes. Beyond belief.
Here's to a semester of hope with God as my wing man.

God bless. <3